Hey Reader,
Your family is in business.
Two, actually.
1) The business of creating confident, capable, connected adults.
2) Creating an engine of fiscal wealth to create opportunities for those adults.
As the patriarch of your family, it is on you to be the CEO of each.
This is is part one of this two-part series & we’ll cover the first, and most important business your family is in.
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Patriarchy
Anybody can be a dad. But to be a present family leader takes conscientious effort and a willingness to make sacrifices for the long term.
A true patriarch thinks in generations and understands that the impact of his efforts will echo on for generations to come.
You are raising heirs.
It starts with being present with your family, its too easy for the modern man to distract himself – and not even with dopamine chasing. Work, exercise, or a productive hobby, these are all good things, but if they’re coming at a net cost to your family, something has to change.
There have been many things I’ve enjoyed that I have given up gladly for the sake of my family, some things even reluctantly, but it has always been worth it.
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Limitations
My daughter started Scottish highland Dancing around 2 years ago. After 3 months she wanted to quit. “I know everything.” she told us.
But I knew I had to dig deeper. She was enjoying the dance but was a little awkward socially, which was her straining point.
2 years later she can hold conversations with adults, it just took a little pushing and a bit of practice.
As men we need to push our children – its important to motivate them and inspire them. Challenges is how competence is built.
The second that inspiration turns into unwelcome pressure, then it can serve to drive a wedge between you and your family.
The intent behind all you do is to bring your family closer together, not drive them further apart.
Sometimes kids just need to be pushed back into the arena to try again, but then other times, you can push them in and they’ll get beaten – their heart is no longer in it.
Recognizing the difference comes with knowing your children and expressing genuine interest.
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1% Fatherhood
Remember that you aren’t actually parenting ‘kids’ – childhood is a small part of their lives. They too will one day be adults, and that parent-child relationship will evolve from one of authority to one of mentorship and equality in responsibility – and this will last much longer than childhood.
To truly become a 1% father isn’t actually hard. There is just 1 question you have to ask yourself:
“Does this serve my family?“
If the answer is no, either turn it into a yes, or find something to do that will give you a better answer.
If you, as your family patriarch, have done your job right, then you will build alongside your children, bringing them into the empire you are forging today, in whatever form that may take.
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Involvement
I get my children involved with our family businesses, being active participants is teaching them the value of work, and gives them the sense of contribution.
Every parcel they pack they get a shiny gold (plastic) coin, 20 of which they can swap for $20. This is allowing them to save up considerable money, plus put some into investments to get their money working for them.
There will come a day when they will be able to go and do more of this on their own, and thus earn a bigger % from the business, as well as expand the output capacity of the family. Through this, the amount we’ll be able to accomplish collectively, will only ever grow.
People say that you shouldn’t take your kids on errands and consider that quality time, nonsense, you need to make it quality time. Often this is thrown in with the anti-homeschooling rhetoric, but everything becomes a learning opportunity and a chance to instill values.
One of the main ways I bond with my kids is working on our land together. We have 10 acres in rural New Zealand and almost every day I will spend some time outdoors working on it with them.
Some days its stacking a few rocks on a rock wall, others its planting a new nut tree, and then others its rotating livestock. The kids are learning with me, and in the process learning my values and absorbing my passions, plus growing an attachment to the place we’re building together.
And again, as they learn more, grow stronger, more competent and confident the output capacity will increase, and we’ll be able to get more done – it’s important to plant the trees now so they will bare fruit sooner. This is metaphorical as well as literal.
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Time Away
I did my electrical apprenticeship under my father, but I didn’t feel fully competent until I was building my own client base in his company at around year 2.5 of my apprenticeship. After I finished my apprenticeship I was asked to go and work elsewhere with unlimited hours through a connection, and it was there I truly came into my own.
Now, I love my kids, I would love to have them live & work with me until I’m old. But every wealthy family sends their child away for at least 2 years (3 is more typical) with good reason.
This doesn’t necessarily mean out of the home, it means away from the family enterprises to learn new skills, make new connections and then bring those back to the family.
It may be that they go to college, or study a trade too. This expands the collective skill base of your family, with the sum of what you’re able to accomplish greater as a result. A family of electricians may be able to build a great electrical business, but an electrician, carpenter, plumber, and bricklayer can build anything.
This also gives your children confidence they can operate and earn in the realms outside the family. When they do return the ROI for your family business or opportunities through mixing your
I don’t come from a particularly wealthy family, but its almost like my father instinctually knew this in condoning my work under this other company. When I was finally done with them, I built a 6 figure income and tied my business in with his, which was a huge boon to the both of us.
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Passing the Torch
For your family to truly thrive for all time, there needs to be a hierarchy. At present, its most likely you at the head of the family, then your wife and then children.
But eventually you will need a successor, somebody to take your place and guide the next generation of your dynasty. It may not be obvious who that is now, but you will eventually need to figure out who that is, and how they are chosen.
I find story telling a powerful tool for teaching and engaging my kids, as well as working with them.
You don’t have to decide now, but consider this as you raise your children, and teach each of them what you know in every given opportunity.
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We as fathers must be the baseline for our children not the ceiling.
With our active involvement we will steer our family towards the competence, confidence, and connection needed to shape your family into a dynasty.
Thanks for reading
Stay tuned for part 2 of this series where I’ll cover the wealth generation engine your family must build (and how you can start yours now)
Yours,
​Ben Black
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