Three Big D’s For Families to Avoid

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After the drop of the monolithic, lifechanging mega-post on Building Intergenerational Wealth, I decided to follow it up with a bite sized supplemental post for those determined to build their Dynasty.

When you’re on the path to building intergenerational wealth there are a great many pitfalls to avoid. Your “Chief Emotional Officer” (CEO), the stay at home parent  Matriarch, will face a great deal of these challenges. Few are more prominent what the Three D’s represent: Division, Dissatisfaction, and Distance.

The responsibility doesn’t rest solely on the CEO’s shoulders. As tough as it may be, all family members should help out where they can, avoiding these and addressing them as they arise will ensure a tighter family with a wealthy culture. It’s up to the matriarch to help guide the family towards peaceful resolution and togetherness.

You family will need to have an abundance of human capital, the most important thing when building a dynasty in order to avoid these 3 Ds

Division

Division

Often times Families will break apart into different factions. Families that put in little active effort to creating a culture focused on unity, will often find this happens organically as children move away. For those who have managed to create a and sustain a healthy, cooperative family there will inevitably still be disagreements. Disagreements are perfectly natural.

Most disagreements dissolve organically and are forgotten. But sometimes, these disagreements can manifest into something much greater – division. These disagreements may be long-standing or rise up from heat-of-the-moment arguments(we all say stupid things). Division could also stem from childhood jealousy or what was views as inequality or injustice.

Division can also mean divorce. A legal divide among family members, especially the Matriarch and Patriarch is the fastest way to dispatch a fortune.

Solution

Wherever the division stems from, it’s up to the “CEO” to be keenly aware of this. If other family members notice the division, they should remain neutral and help if they can, if any bias is felt, it’s probably best to discuss it with the “CEO” and let them aid in its resolution. The division should be rectified as soon as possible, most of the time, division only get’s worse.

A healthy dose of the matriarchs study of psychology and conflict resolution or drawing upon the family’s intellectual capital will help with the resolution process.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction

Hurt feelings, and jealousy can’t be left to grow. These are emotional states that can(and usually do) dissolve themselves in time, but can also fester and grow as well. Dissatisfaction can lead to division, which leads to distance, so it’s a huge one to watch out for.

Dissatisfaction often pops up as a minor thing a lot of us ignore. Big mistake. When I was a younger guy, I frequently got jealous of my sisters’ social acclimation, being a reserved person myself. I now understand enough of myself to know that having few incredibly close relationships, embracing introversion and being more of a homebody is a much happier state for me. It allows me to work on my strengths to become a better man.

Solution

What might seem from the outside as small worries by individuals, can feel much bigger to the person who they impact. Every individual has different grievances and reasons to be dissatisfied. Even just regular check-ups on each family member can go a long way to dissolving dissatisfaction.

Keeping everyone involved in family events and acknowledging everybody’s achievements, weighting none over others will make sure everybody feel like they’re on the same level and viewed as equals.

Paying attention to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs will go a long way here too.

Distance

Distance

Life happens. It’s easier now than ever for families to move away from one another. Time and changes in lifestyles can also make families grow distant emotionally. A distant family is one who will have a difficult time cooperating, and thus growing wealth.

it can often feel easier to just let it happen. Remember that no truly wealthy family is disparate. Any family with old money will quickly lose it within a generation or two if they have grown distant. With no central governance over family money, it becomes prone to mismanagement and exploitation by foreign professionals.

It’s really up to all family members to bridge the gap and make an effort.  Distance doesn’t just mean physically, it can also be an emotional disconnect. This is very subtle and often happens so gradually nobody that isn’t fully paying attention would notice. It’s in these times the “CEO” shines, their main role being to focus on such issues.

Solution

If either for of distance begins to grow between family members and the main family group, everybody, especially the “CEO”, should make an effort to include them. Lines of communication should be kept open, by whatever means necessary.

It’s no secret I love the idea of Dynastic Land. While this is a great solution to keep everybody close, Intergenerational Living isn’t going to suit all families or all member of ones. If this is a possibility and suits your family, it will serve you well for years to come.

Social events, family projects and traditions are the perfect ways to close the gap(and build social capital too). The CEO will typically be the one organizing these and keeping the lines of communication open, though other family members should hold this responsibility too.

If physical distance is inevitable, then digital means have made it easier than ever to keep us close. This means more than an emoji on Facebook or a like on Twitter. Facetime will never be a substitute for actual human contact, but ti sure beats clicking a single button or a cold text-based message.

Any other Big D’s?

Get Family Fortunes on Amazon (clickable)Family Fortunes By Bill & Will Bonner

These 3 D’s were inspired by Family Fortunes by Bill and Will Bonner(Review | Affiliate Link). They were conceptualized by their Matriarch and Founding Mother, Elizabeth, a wise woman indeed.

Division typically stems from disagreements that won’t resolve organically, and intervention by a neutral party is often needed to help get some resolution.

Distance can be physical or emotional detachment and the gap needs to be closed with active effort and participation.

Dissatisfaction is the toughest and comes from deep-seated emotional issues. Each case is unique and can take a long time to dissolve. By including everybody and acknowledging all failures, grievances, and successes equally some of this turmoil can be dissipated.

It may be easier to neglect any or all of these, but in doing so, you’re guaranteed to forego building your dynasty and creating intergenerational wealth.

Any other D’s I missed? How about any other letters of the Alphabet? Let’s discuss in the comments below, or you can follow me on twitter, and we can chat there. Peace out.

Thanks for reading. Yours,

Ben Signature

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Dynastus is all about building generational wealth, traditional values and an intentional lifestyle. Through deliberate living and a bit of know-how, it’s possible for everyday families to create a modern dynasty. This site aims to guide you, regardless of your background or situation, towards creating a strong family foundation and then, a dynasty. If you want to join the community of Founding Parents, you’re in the right place. Yours, Ben Signature